6 Steps to No Regrets
How many times have you looked back and regretted actions, behaviors or decisions?
Kiss regrets goodbye!
First, avoid wasting time doing things that you really don’t want to do. It’s perfectly OK to say, “no thanks, have a good time”, or “no I don’t want to join you at the concert, but maybe we can do something else another time.” It may sound easy but this can really be difficult for many more people than you could imagine. Practice with smaller things and gradually build upon that.
Secondly, in the evening, Write down a goal for the following day. When you wake up the next day, do it. Simple but effective.
Third, tell the people you care about just how you feel. It’s not a mushy thing to do and you won’t look like a sap. You’re just sharing your heart with another.
Fourth, stop putting off that trip you have been meaning to take someday. If money has been holding you back. Start putting away money each week that is strictly for the trip. Open a special savings account if you are concerned about getting it mixed up with your other savings.
Fifth, lighten up. Don’t take yourself so seriously that you are no longer able to laugh at yourself. Too many times, we are the ones that are pressuring us the most. Try practicing looking outward at the beauty in life, rather than inward at the things you feel are flawed about you. Here’s a news-flash...NOBODY is perfect:)
Sixth and most importantly, take your dream off the shelf and start living it. Stir up that dormant passion that has always been inside of you and start living it. It won’t just fall in your lap, you have to make it happen. Take the risk and GO FOR IT!
by Nyla Lengacher
August 11, 2008
August 05, 2008
How to Mingle
Mingling can be one of the most difficult things to do for those with social anxieties. The idea of going to a gathering and walking around the room briefly speaking to strangers or even acquaintances can be terrifying. Try the following strategies to make the event more manageable.
1) Look for someone that is standing alone. Walk up to them and introduce yourself. If it is a party, you may ask how they know the host/hostess.
2) Don’t feel as though you have to stay around that person all night just because you spoke to them. It is perfectly appropriate and acceptable to have some brief exchanges and then move on by saying something like, “Well, I’m going to visit with some other people. It was nice to meet you”.
3) If it is something like an art opening, you can discuss the art and ask if they have a favorite painting, etc. Discussing the things that you may have in common can make the exchange a bit easier.
4) Be aware of your body language. Make eye contact and smile. This lets others know that you are open to speaking to them.
5) Remind yourself that there are probably many others in the room that are just as uncomfortable as you are.
by Nyla Lengacher
Mingling can be one of the most difficult things to do for those with social anxieties. The idea of going to a gathering and walking around the room briefly speaking to strangers or even acquaintances can be terrifying. Try the following strategies to make the event more manageable.
1) Look for someone that is standing alone. Walk up to them and introduce yourself. If it is a party, you may ask how they know the host/hostess.
2) Don’t feel as though you have to stay around that person all night just because you spoke to them. It is perfectly appropriate and acceptable to have some brief exchanges and then move on by saying something like, “Well, I’m going to visit with some other people. It was nice to meet you”.
3) If it is something like an art opening, you can discuss the art and ask if they have a favorite painting, etc. Discussing the things that you may have in common can make the exchange a bit easier.
4) Be aware of your body language. Make eye contact and smile. This lets others know that you are open to speaking to them.
5) Remind yourself that there are probably many others in the room that are just as uncomfortable as you are.
by Nyla Lengacher
May 18, 2008
Notice Life
There are so many things that occur during our day that we miss. Try this exercise. Keep a note pad or journal beside your bed. Each night write down three things that were good about your day. These don't have to be big things. It could be as simple as a smile from a stranger, a ripening tomato in your garden or beginning a new hobby. This causes you to begin noticing your life more as it happens and helps keep you in the present moment. It also causes you to go to sleep thinking about the good in life and not the fourteen things you have to get done the next day. Just try it one week and judge the difference for yourself.
by Nyla Lengacher
There are so many things that occur during our day that we miss. Try this exercise. Keep a note pad or journal beside your bed. Each night write down three things that were good about your day. These don't have to be big things. It could be as simple as a smile from a stranger, a ripening tomato in your garden or beginning a new hobby. This causes you to begin noticing your life more as it happens and helps keep you in the present moment. It also causes you to go to sleep thinking about the good in life and not the fourteen things you have to get done the next day. Just try it one week and judge the difference for yourself.
by Nyla Lengacher
April 06, 2008
Boundaries in Relationships
What is a boundary anyway? I try to envision a boundary in relationship to others as the line we have that shows us where we end and another person begins. When our comfort level ends and we begin to feel uncomfortable with something, it is usually a sign that a boundary needs to be set. Too many times the limit is not set because of not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings or fearing we would not be liked or accepted if we draw the line or say no. This can be anything from going on the second date when the first date clearly showed you one was enough, to becoming an Engineer because your father always wanted you to become one. Boundaries are wonderful things that I promise, you will enjoy more and more as you practice setting them.
What are some of the benefits? Decreased resentments, minimized stress, better use of your time and best of all, the more you set them, the more you will become aware of who you are apart from others.
by Nyla Lengacher
What is a boundary anyway? I try to envision a boundary in relationship to others as the line we have that shows us where we end and another person begins. When our comfort level ends and we begin to feel uncomfortable with something, it is usually a sign that a boundary needs to be set. Too many times the limit is not set because of not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings or fearing we would not be liked or accepted if we draw the line or say no. This can be anything from going on the second date when the first date clearly showed you one was enough, to becoming an Engineer because your father always wanted you to become one. Boundaries are wonderful things that I promise, you will enjoy more and more as you practice setting them.
What are some of the benefits? Decreased resentments, minimized stress, better use of your time and best of all, the more you set them, the more you will become aware of who you are apart from others.
by Nyla Lengacher
February 26, 2008
What Are You Thinking About?
How much does our thinking effect the way we view the world around us? Do we even consider this? Try to take just one day and remain as aware as possible of your thoughts. Think about what you are thinking about. As you do this, try and note the mood or emotions that you are having associated with those thoughts. Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to behaviors. We can't get away from the connection and that’s a good thing. We can begin to create our lives as we choose how we perceive life. It all starts with believing we can change, recognizing what our thinking patterns are, catching ourselves when we are heading down a negative path and turning those thoughts into something more positive. Some may say, "that's just lying to myself". Whether you fully believe it or not isn't the point. Do it anyway because the more you practice, the more you will actually start to believe it. You will have the incentive of slowly seeing your mood improve. Give it a try, what have you got to lose?
by Nyla Lengacher
How much does our thinking effect the way we view the world around us? Do we even consider this? Try to take just one day and remain as aware as possible of your thoughts. Think about what you are thinking about. As you do this, try and note the mood or emotions that you are having associated with those thoughts. Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to behaviors. We can't get away from the connection and that’s a good thing. We can begin to create our lives as we choose how we perceive life. It all starts with believing we can change, recognizing what our thinking patterns are, catching ourselves when we are heading down a negative path and turning those thoughts into something more positive. Some may say, "that's just lying to myself". Whether you fully believe it or not isn't the point. Do it anyway because the more you practice, the more you will actually start to believe it. You will have the incentive of slowly seeing your mood improve. Give it a try, what have you got to lose?
by Nyla Lengacher
Small Steps Towards Change
When you’re ready to make a change there are ways to make the transition easier. Too many times when someone decides to make a change in their life, they focus too much on the change and give up when they don't see the progress they hope for. What needs to happen instead is focusing on the NEW behavior that you would like to add to your life’s activities. For example, let’s say that you want to begin eating more healthy. You might say, “OK, I am going to start eating healthy tomorrow”. If you think about it, that is a bit unrealistic and can be a recipe (no pun intended) for failure. Why don’t you instead pick just one meal that you are going to make sure is healthy. Give yourself a week or two with that one and then add another healthy meal to your day. Breaking things down into smaller steps goes a long way.
by Nyla Lengacher
When you’re ready to make a change there are ways to make the transition easier. Too many times when someone decides to make a change in their life, they focus too much on the change and give up when they don't see the progress they hope for. What needs to happen instead is focusing on the NEW behavior that you would like to add to your life’s activities. For example, let’s say that you want to begin eating more healthy. You might say, “OK, I am going to start eating healthy tomorrow”. If you think about it, that is a bit unrealistic and can be a recipe (no pun intended) for failure. Why don’t you instead pick just one meal that you are going to make sure is healthy. Give yourself a week or two with that one and then add another healthy meal to your day. Breaking things down into smaller steps goes a long way.
by Nyla Lengacher
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